Camelot: Saturday Afternoon. While Merlin And Arthur Are Off Holding Hands Like Otters.

[thatsamilkshake]

Francine had long ago figured out that Angelica Demesnes and her ilk -- not that Francine would use the word ilk unless she was trying to spell milk in a game of Scrabble and somebody else had already laid down the M -- had no clue what life was like in a medieval kingdom.

What she was sadly finding out now was that medieval kingdoms had no clue how to write historically-suspect bodice-heaving romance the way Angelica Demesnes did.

Instead, she got to sit on a step and try to make it through at least one paragraph of Ye Tragik Historye of Sir Ethelred the Dubious and His Enormouse-Busumed Wyfe before her eyes started swimming again.

[For NPC shenanigans, though The Girl, she is welcome also!]

Comments

[thismaskiwear.livejournal.com]

"I'm used to it in text messages by now." Katchoo rolled up said damp sleeves and sat down next to Francine. "Or posters. It looks wrong in books, still."

[thatsamilkshake]

"So does handwriting." Despite how neat it was. "Also, the words 'enormouse-busumed.'"

[thismaskiwear.livejournal.com]

Katchoo's snort was not elegant by any stretch of the imagination no matter what era you were in.

"Aw, geez -- do the extra vowels mean it's even bigger?"

[thatsamilkshake]

"Either that or she's hiding an actual mouse in there."

[thismaskiwear.livejournal.com]

"If it's that 'enormouse,'" Katchoo mused, holding her hands out about two feet in front of her chest, "she could hide a cat in there and nobody'd notice. That's sexy."

[thatsamilkshake]

Francine flipped to one of the illustrated panels. "Pretty much. Also it looks like she's wearing a corset so tight that her ribs disintegrated."

[thismaskiwear.livejournal.com]

"Nah. She had 'em surgically removed to fit," Katchoo said, deadpan. "Wow, move over, bad Internet smut, we have a competitor."

[thatsamilkshake]

"You'd think so from the pictures, but all it is so far is sheep and tapestries." Francine shook her head.

[thismaskiwear.livejournal.com]

Katchoo tried to reach over and flip further into the book. "Trying to spin it as a delayed-gratification tactic would be too much credit, huh?"

[thatsamilkshake]

"I don't know. I didn't try to cheat and look ahead, unlike some people!"

[thismaskiwear.livejournal.com]

"Well, geez! Who wants to read about all the sheep and tapestries and . . . and . . . grain harvests anyway? Unless it's all an elaborate metaphor."

And now Katchoo was probably going to try and dig up the medieval version of Elegant Waste somehow. See what you did there, Francine?

[thatsamilkshake]

Oh God. If this was the medieval version of The Jade Rose or whatever, how bad would Elegant Waste be?

"What could sheep possibly be a metaphor for?"

[thismaskiwear.livejournal.com]

Well, there was one smartass crack that couldn't get made because they hadn't met Freddie Femur.

Also, about Elegant Waste, don't ask.

"Well . . . you do have to shear 'em to get all their wool off . . ."

She was completely making this up.

[thatsamilkshake]

Not as an adult, anyway. Teenage Freddie Femur had been too busy writing odes to The Breast and stepping on Francine's toga to attempt any sheeplike facial growths.

"...So it's a metaphor for...hairstyling?"

[thismaskiwear.livejournal.com]

Don't forget being the target of too many horrible imagined fates at Katchoo's hands for there to be room in there to cram in a sheep joke.

. . . really, Francine, it was a good thing you were cute sometimes.

"Think of the wool as clothing, Francie."

[thatsamilkshake]

"Hot and itchy?" Beat. Beat. "...Ohhhhhh."

[thismaskiwear.livejournal.com]

Katchoo stifled a snicker. "I'd get rid of it if it was hot and itchy, too."

Which said nothing about her current wardrobe. Or possibly everything about why she wanted a cigarette so damn badly right now.

[thatsamilkshake]

Let's go with everything, considering the way she was always twitching at the dresses, or painfully obviously not twitching at them. "Like these clothes? You'll just roll your eyes if I say you look pretty in them, won't you."

[thismaskiwear.livejournal.com]

"Like this, you mean?" The eyeroll was a halfhearted one, granted. "I used to get paid to look good in outfits like these. I don't really enjoy it."

[thatsamilkshake]

Ouch to that. A guilty, swallowed-my-foot-to-the-kneecap kind of ouch.

"We could always ask Arthur to fit you up with some of that badass armor that Morgana's got..."

[thismaskiwear.livejournal.com]

Katchoo hadn't meant to make her feel guilty; every now and then the lingering bitterness just got to her. She leaned over slightly to nudge her arm against Francine's.

"That might be worth it just to see the look on his face, eh?"

[thatsamilkshake]

"You could tell him Morgana's been giving you sword lessons." But only when Francine was present and had her camera out.

[thismaskiwear.livejournal.com]

Because that would be a photo opportunity not to be missed.

Katchoo leaned back on her hands. "Francine, did anyone ever tell you you're more devious than you look?"

[thatsamilkshake]

"Nobody's ever told me I was more devious than anything." More devious than a can of SPAM, possibly?

[thismaskiwear.livejournal.com]

". . . well, that answers that." Katchoo reached over to poke her in the side.

Hey. That can of SPAM was insulted.